Chanelle's World of Sport and Everything

Only just

2009-09-21T21:31:00.000+01:00

"Almost had a second whitewashing there Coll!"

So England managed to avoid screwing up the last ODI v the Strayans although they tried very very hard to throw it away lol and as usual it was down to Colly to save the day.

I would not like to be Mrs Andrew Strauss right now because like hubby must be in one seriously shitty mood. Also if I remember right Mrs S is a Strayan herself which could lead to domestic tensions at the best of times but most of all in an Ashes year one would think.

There is only one consolation yeah and you have to look quite hard for it. If the Strayans had won and beaten us 7-0 (yuk it's painful even to type those figures lol) then they would have been no1 in the world for ODIs but as it is they are only ranked no3 and the Safricans are no1 so there.

Only one solution

2009-09-19T13:22:00.001+01:00

Well you will have noticed that I have not been blogging about the Eng v Aus ODI series because it has been the most embarrassing cricket anybody has seen for some time.

With all the stuff Fred's agent has been spouting about money money money I'm beginning to think payment by results might be the answer for England's cricketers. As in play well and you get to keep the loot right but play like you have been doing and we repossess the car and the Boss suits lol.

*Sigh* well in times like these there is only one answer:

or better still two:

these yummy things are by Miu Miu.

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Nope

2009-09-13T13:34:00.000+01:00

A few people read this blog believe it or not and some of them have been asking me if I'm really Lily Allen in disguise!

So I'm like what there can only be one female smartarse lolkid who likes cricket in the world at any one time is it? Yeah right. Actually we are a small but growing army and not barmy at all in the least.

So no I am not Lily Allen and here is the proof:

1) I couldn't get tickets for the Oval.

2) Although we must applaud Lil for fancying Graham Onions who is indeed rather wonderful in his own special way lol she doesn't understand at all about Paul Collingwood.

3) Even with his Arsenal-loving anorak on my Karl is better-looking than Lily's new boyfriend who is meh and a bit podgy IMHO.

4) She is rich and famous and has met Jonathan Agnew.

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Says It All

2009-08-24T12:54:00.005+01:00

England v Australia: 5th test: England win and regain the Ashes!

Stuey Baby!!

2009-08-23T12:41:00.003+01:00

Dance Away

2009-08-10T20:35:00.009+01:00

Ian Bell may land on our shattered hopes like a wet marshmallow lol...

...but Jimmy Choo will never let us down.

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Desperate times

2009-08-10T20:16:00.005+01:00

England v Australia, 4th Test: Australia win by a innings and 80 runs

Some half-dried sludge. England played more or less like this.

So for the last final deciding Ashes-regaining-or-losing make-or-break 5th Test (no pressure eh?) many bloggers are suggesting that sweeping changes need to be made to the side.

Dogged Pup

2009-08-04T14:07:00.009+01:00

Third Test Match England v Australia: draw.

Duh well not a lot to say about Ashes Test numero trois cos like everyone knew it was going to rain and it did. And most people predicted a draw and that's what we got. There was like a flicker of hope at one point that England might push it through to a win but the Strayans are a bit too good to be knocked over like that lol even though they are not as good as the old team as everybody keeps saying.

So my take on it is this that I really like Graham Onions who has a lovely smile and is a useful bowler to boot. I'm not sure what the charming Stuart Broad is doing as he seems to be trying to bowl in a too clever by half kind of way but fortunately he can still bat a bit.

And I don't understand why they boo Ponting now when nobody ever has before but I do join in sometimes at home and Karl gives me looks.

Michael Clarke Future Strayan Captain and known as Pup put in a fine display of doggedness to ensure the draw but I find his face really, really annoying...

Headingley on Friday! Brett Lee might be better! Fred might have had so many injections that he starts growing another knee.

Sigh....

2009-07-22T17:33:00.001+01:00

1-0! 1-0! 1-0!

2009-07-20T16:26:00.009+01:00

Second Test Match England v Australia: England win

Well like the old song says every picture tells a story don't it?

Told you so

2009-07-13T18:51:00.010+01:00

First Test Match England v Australia: drawn

And yet again the wonderful Paul Collingwood proves his right to eternal membership of the clan of Ginger Guys In Cricket Who Will Never Let You Down. In fact he is like the only top-ranked member right now as Ryan Sidebottom has lost a number of points by being stroppy with team-mates and not bowling very successfully. And Ian Bell was never allowed into the clan cos like we have to keep up our standards and the title means what it says.

But Colly will be a ginger hero even when he is old and grey.

As for the rest of the England side well time will tell yeah because they didn't start off in any way that you could call exciting in fact the washing-up was like more inviting than watching the England batsmen not get enough runs again *sigh* *snarl*.

And we have to say that if you were in a burning building with any of Team England you wouldn't have much confidence in them getting you out unscorched. EXCEPT COLLY. And maybe Jimmy too (the fact that he can fly could be useful) and Monty who might not even notice that there was a fire going on but would be really nice about it.

But it's a five-match series and anything can happen. Except a whitewash lol.

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Yeah well like better late than never but you know how it is

2009-07-11T15:28:00.007+01:00

So apologies to all my one and a half regular readers for being silent* since before Christmas but you know yeah life intervenes. That old prime minister with the moustache used to say "Events dear boy events" we did it in History.

So like basically when we were out Christmas shopping Karl the anorak said would I like to get married and I said yes. Not realising that this would like unleash a maelstrom (good word eh?) of relatives and wedding planners and times when Karl was supposed to get drunk which he doesn't enjoy doing all taking over our lives for months and months until in the end a few weeks ago we called it off and decided to live in what used to be called sin lol.

So now our dads are pleased owing to the credit crunch and saving the money and our mums are well pissed off lol but we are fine. Sporting-wise tho I have been in a bit of a cleft dilemma yeah because Karl is not fond of cricket so I tried hard to learn about football but I have realised it is better not actually. As we know many men still prefer women to be illiterate but Karl is not as bad as that by any means but all the same I have to as Clint Eastwood said know his limitations. Otherwise I get the little sigh and the patient explaining voice telling me what I already know duh. So now I content myself with noting that the former TH14 is doing the business for Barcelona in a quiet way but I don't ask like questions. And meanwhile I try to follow my cricket but there is like a blanket of non-enthusiasm at the other end of the sofa sigh.

So I will not attempt to catch up on the cricket events over the winter because you know it all already. In June I went to the Oval to watch the T20 England v Pakistan where the capacity crowd included the internationally known blogger Mouth of the Mersey, the famous Zephirine and mystery financier Lord Ebren. A good time was had by all especially the very loud mad Pakistani fans around us who were happily mocking the sad England supporters you know the ones yeah no girlfriends getting very drunk silly clothes. Till in the end England won and the Pakistanis were seriously disappointed and trailed away but by then the sad English guys were too pissed to say much. Believe me if the Pakistan side get to come to England and play their matches it will be worth going because they really know how to support their team and they are really funny and completely out of hand.

And now it is the Ashes or the h'Ashes as Michael Holding says and the blogs are full of Strayans being rude about Stuart Broad which as we know is contrary to English law and punishable by torture but of course they are abroad and hiding behind a cloak of pseudonymity don't we all lol.

I shall attempt to post some thoughts about the Ashes in the coming weeks and days though Karl says what is the point as England are going to lose. I said the important thing is the taking part and he was like oh please. You see what I have to deal with.

*uncharacteristic you may think lol.

The Chanelle World XI- Twelfth Man

2009-07-11T15:25:00.000+01:00

Just to finish off my World XI:

No this is not a flamenco dancer but MOHAMMAD AAMER of Pakistan who is a mere chick of 17 but a very very promising left-arm pace bowler. And at the risk of cradle-snatching I would say he is very very cute too.

PS He's an Aries.

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Yummy

2009-07-11T14:11:00.012+01:00

a new twist on an old classic as the saying goes...

The Chanelleworld Calendar: November

2008-11-20T18:08:00.002Z

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STEVE DAVIES

Now to be honest Steve Davies of Worcestershire comes under the heading of Nice Boy rather than in the Hot Date section but none of this matters at all right for Steve is a WICKETKEEPER BATSMAN and a proper one too who can do both things well! Hooray and hoorah! And this alone is enough to make the fat middle-aged geezers of the ECB line up with joyful tears in their eyes and sing a chorus of that song about At Last My Love Has Come Along the Lonely Days Are Over and Life is But a Song.

At 22 (a Cancerian) Steve is still a wee bit young to be sent out into the heat of international cricket battle but it is only a matter of time before he solves the oh so longstanding wickie worries of Team England. He has already solved mine as the Chanelleworld XI was short of a wicketkeeper too lol.

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Go on.... I dare ya...

2008-10-04T17:02:00.003+01:00

...have you got the nerve to wear these Puccis?

The Chanelleworld Calendar: October

2008-10-04T16:36:00.008+01:00

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BILLY GODLEMAN

Young Billy is another mere baby of 19 and at the moment you would not like automatically include him on a hot list as he looks like your friend's kid brother but time passes swiftly lol and in just a few years young girls will be tearing pictures of boring old Stuart Broad down off their walls and replacing with the lovely Billy.

Cricketwise Billy is no novice though as he has been playing for Middlesex since he was 17. He is a left-handed batsman of real style who knows when to be patient and when to go for it yeah and great things are predicted for him. Already he has represented England at Under 19 level and last year scored the highest ever individual innings for an England under-19er (149). His birthday is in February making him an Aquarius.

Here is Billy being quite happy a few weeks ago after making a century against Gloucestershire at Lord's.

(picture from the very cool Cricinfo)

The only problem is...

2008-09-19T00:38:00.006+01:00

...what to wear with these to make sure everybody definitely knows you are not on your way to tap dancing class:))

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The Calendar Fantasy XI

2008-09-02T13:01:00.002+01:00

The Chanelleworld Calendar as you will remember presents a regular cricketing pinup every month who has to be under 25 and cute.

Strangely I have also been picking some rather good players which shows that I may be cleverer than I thought lol.

So far the Chanelleworld XI looks like this:

Alastair Cook
Luke Wright
Mohammad Ashraful
Ravi Bopara
Irfan Pathan
Stuart Broad
Tim Southee
Steve Finn
Ajantha Mendis

Not bad eh?

I need some more batsmen but I have a good one lined up for next month. Irfan is out of form so is probably 12th man for the moment unless I swop him for his brother who is handy with the bat but that wouldn't be fair really :(

But guess what? Yeah that's it no wicketkeeper so I am looking for a cute under 25 wicketkeeper who is also a handy middle order bat *sigh* all sounds a bit familiar for England supporters eh?

The Chanelleworld Calendar: September

2008-09-02T12:28:00.004+01:00

STEVE FINN

Steve Finn is very tall as you can see from this pic where he is receiving a man-of-the-match award from the normally sized Mr Malcolm Speed. He is 6'8" in fact and as he's a mere infant of 19 lol he may not have stopped growing yet.

So you won't be surprised to learn that Steve plays a bit of basketball too but cricket is his destiny. He plays for Middlesex but has his eyes fixed on an England career and has already represented his country at Under 19 level. As a tall bowler who can offer both pace and bounce he may well be one for the future when Fred and Harmy eventually have to step aside *sigh*.

Steve has an early April birthday making him an Aries and therefore ambitious impulsive and energetic:)) I reckon he is quite cute and at least his girlfriends will never have to worry about wearing high heels lol.

A girl with her priorities right

2008-08-29T11:53:00.002+01:00

OK first you have to get some Olympic gold medals... but then you get the Jimmy Choos:))

That's Rebecca Adlington for anybody who's been on Mars recently.

OK Kev I take it back

2008-08-23T13:01:00.004+01:00

23rd August 2008

Well after all our doubts and fears it looks like the Kipper has started off well as England Captain. So far he has won a Test Match and a one-day match against South Africa and he has managed to put a smile on the face of the often very miserable Steve Harmison.

Fred Flintoff has remembered how to bat so he's happy too. In fact most of the boys are smiling a lot out there on the field and I suspect it may be because Kev has been locking coach Peter Moores in the cupboard under the stairs and telling the team to just do their thing.

However you can relax in the knowledge that Kevin has not taken up ballet lol. This picture shows him when he was having a bit of a bowl and taking a couple of wickets.

Time for another pink bag

2008-08-23T12:58:00.003+01:00

Gotta be a clutch this year girls!

This little beauty is by Prada and it's probably already too late to buy one because they're so exclusive and limited and all that stuff but it's what I am learning to call an inspirational piece:)

So here we are

2008-08-04T14:09:00.003+01:00

Kevin Pietersen is the new England cricket captain.

Look at this photo and draw your own conclusions lol.

Well gorblimey eh?

2008-08-03T21:25:00.007+01:00

3rd August 2008

So right Michael Vaughan captain of England cricket (Test matches only) has resigned. And the lovely Paul Collingwood captain of England cricket (one-day matches) has resigned too.

Now as far as Michael Vaughan is concerned this has been coming for a while like a very slow train yeah because Michael has been getting ratty with journalists and has generally not been at his best for some time. Most important he has been getting himself out for very very few runs which is not what is expected of the England captain and like supposedly premier batsman. He is famous for his clever field placings but in this last series against S Africa he has just been moving the fielders about as if he was a hyperactive kid trying to play chess yeah to the point that he has broken records for it and questions have been asked about his state of mind lol.

So all in all the writing has like been on the wall for our Michael although his great insurance policy has been that there hasn’t been anyone else about who could like obviously do the job.

We should not forget though that back in the day when Michael still had a full head of hair he was a popular and admired captain and led his side to heroic and historic victory in The Ashes over the Australians hooray and hoorah helped by a luckily placed ball which demon Aussie bowler Glenn McGrath tripped over in a training session lol conveniently putting himself out of the series.

While Michael has been getting large amounts of like blogger abuse and journalistic snidieness for taking up space in the Test side and then not actually playing cricket lol sad to say his bestie mate the rather ginger Paul C has been playing even worse.

The lovely Colly who is famous for his salmon-like leaps to take amazing catches and his gritty northerner style of batting has also like appeared to lose the plot. We have to say Paul well and truly fucked up earlier this year while captaining a one-day match against New Zealand in a whole situation which would take too long to explain but he basically made a really really bad decision and everybody at home and abroad was like “Colly! No!” and he had to apologise.

So cries of “Sack them!” have been like resounding through cyberspace and journalists have been writing stuff like “questions will be hanging over his future” about them both.

Anyway in the last Test against S Africa old Colly suddenly remembered how to do it yeah and hit 135 cracking runs and everyone jumped up and down and all the Saffers shook his hand. It was great and truly historic and like that poem Mr Fielding made us do about even the ranks of Tuscany could scarce forbear to cheer. But it seems it was too late yeah for the lovely Paul had already decided that his previous poor form was the result of him being the captain of the one-day side and he would rather stop doing it thanks all the same.

And hey what a coincidence today Michael Vaughan said the same sort of thing and he got a bit tearful in a David Beckham kind of way about what a strain it has all been lately and how he hasn’t been himself right so my guess is he has been really nasty to his wife and divorce is threatened.

So yeah did they jump or were they pushed? Well anyone who wants to discuss this will find many blogs all buzzing away not least because the likely successor is Kevin Pietersen who is a brilliant batsman but also a prat. Think Paul Gascoigne but without the alcohol and with a South African accent right it’s scarey no?

But be reassured these two heroes have not given up the game and are still hoping to be selected for England in the future though we have to say in Michael’s case it may take a while. Colly should still be all right for the one-day side but his Test place is as they say by no means assured.

My personal view if anybody asks is that they will give the captaincy to pratty Kev and it will all go extremely pear-shaped and total chaos will occur. The very famous blogger MouthoftheMersey disagrees though and thinks the Kevster will come good.

We shall see.

More tomorrow when the new captain or captains will be announced by some bloke in a suit.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: August

2008-08-02T00:19:00.008+01:00

AJANTHA MENDIS

The Calendar is supposed to be a parade of hotly dishy young cricketers under 25 but I have to include Ajantha Mendis even though he may not be the best-looking guy in Sri Lanka:)

Ajantha is 23 and a Pisces and he is a completely amazing spin bowler who is baffling batsmen with his range of flippers and doosras -he even has his own special thing called a flicker.

Here he is looking a bit more cute lol.

He's back

2008-08-01T20:28:00.003+01:00

1st August 2008

Hooray!! Paul Collingwood has got back his place among our favourite Ginger Guys Who Will Never Let You Down.

After a terrible year where you really had to wonder if he'd trodden on God's dog's paw or something well finally at last it seems like his luck has turned and today he scored a gutsy 101 not out against South Africa.

Yes....

2008-07-25T17:26:00.012+01:00

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yes..

yes...

.................................... YES!!!

(Christian Louboutin, spot the red soles)

Is this what England needs?

2008-07-22T14:16:00.007+01:00

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3 x Ryan Sidebottom!!

(photo by Al Green)

Definitely hero this time

2008-07-22T11:28:00.004+01:00

21st July 2008

Jimmy Anderson's hero status has been confirmed in the second Test by his brave batting where he scored a timely 38 but was hit first on the hand and then on the head by the bowling of Steyn (who looks like a rat if you ask me).

Jimmy said at least having his head hit made him forget how much his hand hurt. What a guy eh?

The Chanelleworld Calendar: July

2008-07-01T23:05:00.006+01:00

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JULY: MOHAMMAD ASHRAFUL

Mohammad became Captain of the Bangladeshi side at only 22. But he has always been a bit of a boy wonder having been the youngest player ever to make a Test century when he was 17. He has had ups and downs in form but at his best is a brilliant batsman with like heaps of charisma and pretty much a genius really. He is a huge star in Bangladesh but is like a normal guy and when abroad buys lots of souvenirs for all his family bless.

And...

he will be 24 on July 7th so Happy Birthday Ash!!

For those of you who haven't a clue...

2008-06-09T13:45:00.005+01:00

..which let's face it was me too until just a short time ago.

Here is a nice diagram of Cricket Shots:

This is for a right-handed batsman.

If the batsman's left-handed the shots are like this (no I can't turn the words round but you can read mirror-writing surely - what did you do all day at school?)

Yes, it's true

2008-06-07T13:27:00.003+01:00

...Jimmy is Superman:)

9 wickets for 98 in the last Test!!!

Cute eh?

2008-06-07T12:57:00.008+01:00

These are by Olivia Morris.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: June

2008-06-01T19:11:00.005+01:00

Luke Wright

And here for June is Luke looking as aggressive as he can manage lol.

He is 23 and a Pisces who plays for Sussex and is definitely a rising star in Twenty20 having been approached to play in the IPL (that's the Indian Premier League for those of you who only come onto this blog for the shoes).

Luke is an all-rounder with what is called an explosive batting style and has just been picked to play for England in the one-day matches against New Zealand. He will open the batting with Ali Cook which makes for a pretty fit opening combo if you ask me :)

However there is no doubt yeah that England's up and coming cricketers need some serious hair advice.

A worrying trend

2008-05-22T15:36:00.004+01:00

So everyone is telling us that this summer we must wear yellow. This is good news if you're black or Hispanic or Asian or Japanese but for us like English rose British types who are slightly mauve it is going to be a seriously bad idea.

Even these very wonderful Jimmy Choos could have a disastrous effect on like Scottish girls.

Unless they're appearing in Balamory.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: May

2008-05-04T21:10:00.000+01:00

Ravi Bopara

Yes here is May's pin-up - the cute Ravi from Essex! Looking sort of moody and thoughtful in this pic.

And I have delayed posting this until today the 4th of May because today is Ravi's birthday!!

This means of course he is a Taurus which should not surprise most people as he has a forceful personality and he is 23 today.

Ravi's nickname is supposed to be Puppy but I am not calling a bloke Puppy for anything no matter how good a cricketer he is. So Happy Birthday Mr Bopara:)

He's a wicked batsman who can bowl too and so far for England he has played well at the World Cup and pretty horribly in Sri Lanka but he is still developing as a player and his time will come. Meanwhile he does all right for Essex so I'm not complaining lol.

He also had a bit of publicity last year for turning a 4x4 over while on some sort of sponsor's rally type thing. All of us here at Chanelleworld (ie me) hope that he will be like curbing this sort of impulse yeah as boy racers are just the most boring men in the entire world and Essex has enough of them already believe me:)) So if the sponsors gave you a new car for your birthday Ravi just take it easy yeah?

Football intrudes in my life again

2008-04-09T19:16:00.000+01:00

April 9th 2008

So I got home to my humble flat yeah after being round at Alisha's to see her new bag which is very very expensive and chicly smart and from Anya Hindmarch grr spit.

And the first thing I saw right was the TV on with a replay of someone in a red shirt that even I know is Stevie Gerrard doing a celebration yeah and my heart sank because for those of you who aren't aware my boyfriend Karl is both a football anorak and an Arsenal supporter.

And I could smell toast.

And there was Karl in the kitchen making lots and lots of toast and with what is known as a face like thunder. So I was like, I thought you were going to watch the match at Paul's house? and he said Paul started crying so he thought he'd better leave.

And I changed the channel yeah but not before I saw the score had been 4-2 to Liverpool and I knew we were in for big trouble because I didn't have much bread in the kitchen and the Sikh shop would be shut. The question was would Karl be upset enough to walk to the Turkish shop which stays open later. Because when Arsenal lose he has to have toast.

Also when they lose he has to come round to mine and can't stay at home in his own place and suffer right because men are like that.

But I am worried because when the fortunes of Arsenal are like in decline then Arsene Wenger gets thinner and thinner and Karl gets fatter and fatter and this is like an imbalance that the world could do without.

But he was too upset to walk anywhere so we had hours of big sulks about the referee and not enough toast and the only marmalade being poncy lime stuff yeah and fond as I am of Karl yeah I was forced to go and look at a lot of shoes on the net while he phoned all his Arsenal supporting mates and swore a lot.

Like I have said many times before yeah football is death to relationships. Though good for the bread industry lol.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: April

2008-04-02T00:33:00.000+01:00

Who is this? You may well ask lol for this is a rising star and you may not have seen him yet.

Tim Southee of New Zealand.

Tim is 19 and a Sagittarius. Like our very own Stuart Broad Tim is a bowler who can bat. In fact yeah he can bat more than a bit as he showed in his debut Test against England when he hit 77 off 40 balls which is like pretty exceptional. And before that and more importantly he took 5 England wickets for 55.

Remember the name because we're going to hear plenty more about him and I bet his photo will be on a lot of girls' bedroom walls:))

Sigh...

2008-03-26T14:25:00.000Z

Love This Guy

2008-03-26T14:08:00.001Z

26th March 2008

So Jimmy Anderson (see last post) turned out to be not Superman and just as annoying as ever yeah but DON'T YOU JUST LOVE RYAN?????

Here is like a perfect example of a man who is not hot by any like widely accepted standards yeah and could never in six trillion years be described as chicly smart and yet he is LUVLY. And he is a bowler of discipline and energy and dependableness which is a substance in short supply chez Team England huh.

He goes into a special category I now have called Ginger Guys Who Will Never Let The Side Down, along with fellow gritty northerner Paul Collingwood. Ian Bell is knocking on the door asking to be included in this category but he has a way to go yet to prove his worth lol.

So hurray and hoorah England have won the Test series against New Zealand and soon New Zealand will come over here and we can do it all again.

Hero to Zero and Back Again

2008-03-15T01:15:00.000Z

14th March 2008

Is Jimmy Anderson really Superman after all lol?

I bet Ryan Sidebottom and Jimmy would like to swop a bit of each other's lives yeah.

Jimmy had like too much recognition when he was very young and inexperienced yeah and was being hailed on all sides as the great new talent blah blah. Except he didn't really know all that much and things went wrong for him *sigh* resulting in years in that well-known wilderness where like people go that experts have decided are no good after all :( And he got injured too.

While nobody took any notice of Ryan at all yeah and he like slogged away for his county and concentrated on growing his hair for what as they say must have seemed like an eternity. And no doubt he was well pissed off right in a quiet way when other people got picked for the Test side right and he was called things like county trundler duh. When in fact yeah he's very good.

So one got like too much publicity and the other not enough.

Anyway now they are both in the England side where they belong if you ask me and Jimmy has taken 5 New Zealand wickets yeah and there is a lot of jumping about and saying hooray and hurrah.

They seem like a good team :)) and with the lovely Stuart (see February) and the one and only Monty yeah we may have a new bowling attack fingers crossed touch wood and don't tread on the cracks in the pavement.

Or Jimmy may screw it up again *sigh* don't let's say that though cos it would be like cruel in his moment of triumph.

Groundhog Day

2008-03-04T21:29:00.001Z

3rd March 2008

So here we are and spring has sort of sprung though it is supposed to snow later this week. But there is a feeling of like progress about most things at this time of year yeah and New Year resolutions are way in the past and life goes on.

Except. This year so far it has seemed that India and Australia have got like totally stuck like always playing cricket against each other.

It started back in December 2007 right with the Test Match series which is called the Border Gavaskar Trophy. So they played four of those and then they played a Twenty/20 game and then began the Commonwealth Bank Series which is being played between Australia, India and Sri Lanka and in that Series they all play against each other over and over again yeah and it hasn’t finished yet. So for more than two months right there has been always a cricket match on or about to be on or just finished between the Indians and the Australians.

Now this wouldn’t matter so much right except that they like totally hate each other right well their supporters do anyway. Trouble kicked off at the Test in Sydney and there were accusations of abuse etc etc as I have mentioned before yeah. And even though Australia have won most of the many many encounters since yeah there has been no lightening up *sigh* and you still cannot set your virtual foot on a cricket blog without being surrounded by Aussies and Indians like hurling insults at each other yeah about aborigines and the caste system and all kinds of stuff which is so so stupid because if you go back like 150 years right everybody was downtreading somebody and there was still slavery and that was then this is now.

And I said to Karl I was like I really hate this yeah what has happened to my cricket blogs which were full of nice old people worrying about whether or not Monty Panesar is truly developing a fine cricket brain and how vulnerable is Ali Cook if they keep bowling outside his off stump and suchlike things. I said it’s like being back at school with all this overheated testosterone yeah but Karl was like on the footie blogs this is completely normal right so I give up.

Anyway there are now three final matches in the Commonwealth Bank Series and Sri Lanka right who are really good players yeah but have been kind of like a greyhound between two rottweilers lol have gone home yeah probably heaving sighs of relief and so the three final matches are between guess who. And like only in cricket would you have three finals yeah I thought final meant last not last but two duh.

As I write this India have won the first of the finals yeah in a convincing fashion as the saying goes. The great Sachin Tendulkar right who is known as The Little Master which would totally piss me off if I was him has scored a fine century yeah after not we must admit doing anything like spectacular in the earlier rounds so just in time eh Sachin :). Harbhajan Singh has been rude again *sigh* but perhaps everybody is getting used to it now yeah or at least have run out of energy to make a fuss or is that too much to hope for anyway Hayden said something snotty about him on the radio yawn yawn yawn yawn you see the problem. And Australia managed to be defeated without actually grinding their teeth to fine powder right but it was a close thing lol and India are certainly in with a chance of winning the CB series if it ever ends.

Because in fact this Commonwealth Bank is making me remember when I first was introduced to cricket yeah and thought it was a form of slow torture and although in theory right it will soon be over and it seems they will not be doing it again yeah I have a strange strange feeling that part of the cricket world has stepped over into another dimension yeah and somewhere the Indians and Australians will always be playing cricket against each other and there will be nothing anyone in our like version of the universe can do.

Perhaps yeah they are like those ancient Greeks who died and had to spend the like afterlife pushing big rocks up hills and stuff yeah or maybe the not quite legendary Ricky Ponting yeah has struck a bargain with the Devil so that he can play India for like all eternity until his legendary status is established.

Maybe when they get on their planes yeah and think they are going home the planes will like go through some hole in space and time and they will step off the planes and find they are mysteriously back where they started right and have to play all the matches again yeah would they be allowed to have different results I wonder.

I am quite worried about this like feeling of trappedness and like endless repetition not to say paranormal doom yeah but Karl says if I supported one of the top four in the Premier League I would be quite used to feeling like this so there we are.

Update 4th March 2008

Well so India have just won the second final yeah which means they have won the Commonwealth Bank Series hooray and hurrah and the Aussies are smiling while grinding their teeth again yeah and will probably say oh it’s just the CB it doesn’t matter right which is what they said when we beat them in the last one lol.

And now we shall find out yeah because they won’t play the third final right on account of there is like a result yeah so the teams should be like dispersing now and going home but...will they get there yeah? Will there ever be like an end? Will those planes land in our dimension or in like somewhere else right where they have to start all over again with the Border Gavaskar Tests? Am I right and they are doomed forever throughout like unending time?

Alisha is saying Chanelle you have completely lost the plot and this is what getting into cricket does for you.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: March

2008-03-01T21:45:00.000Z

MARCH: IRFAN PATHAN

Irfan looks like a really nice guy don't you think?

He is 23 years old and a Scorpio. I tried to think up a clever gag about his bowling having a sting in its tail but I couldn't so you'll have to do it for yourselves lol.

Irfan had a brilliant start to his career and was being hailed as the next big thing well as we all know that is the kiss of death for anyone and sure enough yeah he had a horrendous slump in form sigh. But he is back now in a big way hooray and hurrah and has got back into the India side and and was Man of the Match in the famous Perth Test victory (see below).

Best Cricketing Quote of the Year (so far)

2008-02-20T10:26:00.000Z

England's strawberry blond hero Paul Collingwood after leading his team to a seriously unusual tie against New Zealand:

"I don't know what emotions to feel, to be honest. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad or just equal."

A Lovely Thing

2008-02-18T22:44:00.000Z

by Jimmy Choo.

The Chanelleworld Calendar: February

2008-02-01T17:45:00.000Z

FEBRUARY: STUART BROAD

And here is this month's pin-up the tall blond Stuart Broad. Stuart is famous for being 6' 5" most of which seems to be legs lol. He is 21 now and a Cancerian with a June birthday.

He plans to be a bowling all-rounder yeah but at the moment is mainly a fastish bowler who has been very successful for his age (don't mention Yuvraj Singh tho).

There has been a lot of talk about his angelic looks right but to me Stuart looks like that boy at school who seemed so sweet yeah but turned out to be the one that put the dead frog in your locker:) I think he is a bit of a winner with a hidden ruthless streak yeah and will be around with England cricket for a long time if he doesn't get injured like all our other bowlers!! Careful Stu :))

Rumour has it yeah that Stu and the lovely Ali Cook and the fairly lovely Jimmy Anderson have been photographed in the nude for what is either one of those charity calendars or a very saucy ad campaign lol. Our investigators are trying to uncover the evidence...

Anil and his Winning Shades

2008-01-23T20:10:00.000Z

The 3rd Test Match Australia v India at Perth

Well as my Dad would say, fall about in my back yard. Australia have lost a Test match.

Those of you who are not into cricket right will be saying like yeah and?

Let me explain it for you yeah they were on a winning streak of 16 having not lost a Test match since way back in 2005 when they were beaten by England yeah hard as that may now be to believe.

Australia have done this before right under their previous captain the legendary Steve Waugh they reached 16 unbeaten in 2001 yeah so the less legendary Ricky Ponting has been obviously like busting to beat the record but 17 was not to be. Tough shit Ricky lol.

So I was trying to explain the impact of this to Karl and I’m like, it’s as if you woke up and found Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea were all halfway down the Premier League right but he was like, that’s a physical impossibility and a ridiculous hypothesis so I was like, ooh pardon me for breathing. Football freaks eh?

Seriously it is a great result yeah because the Aussies winning all the time in the Tests was quite dull and also there have been like questions raised about their style of play under the not quite legendary Ricky and if the Indians can be their like nemesis it can only be good for the game yeah.

Thing is yeah the Australians play using a lot of sledging which is basically like verbal abuse and the sort of thing you or I would get thrown off the bus for but well to be fair everybody does it a bit in cricket well the men anyway because hey they are basically standing about in a field for a very long time yeah and most men would swear in this situation. Though it is more like insults and there are famous examples that everybody like sniggers about yeah to do with who has been seeing to whose wife etc etc you can use your imaginations. As far as I know women cricketers don’t sledge much right but I bet they swop the odd remark yeah like about how the batswoman made a big mistake choosing that hair colour with her skin tone lol .

But there has been a feeling right that the Australians employ psychological aggression like to excess yeah and this ended in nasty scenes in the 2nd Test match at Sydney which I am not even going to start to discuss right because a thousand trolls will descend on this site from Australia and India and will scream at each other endlessly causing noise pollution in cyberspace life is too short. But we can say that some iffy umpiring didn’t exactly help yeah and also we must admit that the Indian Cricket Board does a bit of psychological aggression of its own yeah consisting of waving its very big cheque book and saying like argue with us if you dare.

So this 3rd and latest match has been played in Perth right and there the Indians have won by 72 runs and nobody has got into any fights yeah and the spirit of cricket is safe and well for a while longer hooray and hurrah and everybody is happy except the Aus team. Even some of the Aussie supporters don’t mind yeah because they were getting like pretty bored, win win win win yawn.

And this is very nice for Anil Kumble right who is the Indian captain but only after years of waiting for the job and he is one of those people that just like does what he does really well and gets on with it yeah and nobody notices much and now suddenly right everyone realises he has taken over 600 wickets in his career which is the third highest ever since the dawn of the game right so cheers for Anil. He also wears very cool shades which are probably from a sponsor but they are chicly smart as you can see in the pic.

The other person to talk about right is Ishant Sharma who is only 19 and very tall and skinny with long hair and looks like the sort of boy who just loafs about at home smoking lots of weed yeah but that would be like the wrong impression of all time because he is a seriously like seriously good bowler : )) He managed to get the almost legendary Ricky P like totally rattled and got him out right so that is like an achievement and a half for a 19 year-old guy. So the same as our own tall skinny and cute Stuart Broad yeah we must hope he avoids injury and also doesn’t like go mysteriously off the boil for ever like too many of the English bowlers sigh.

Now there is one Test left because they are only playing four which is kind of stupid right so India can only level the series yeah but clearly the sparks are flying now and everybody is looking forward to it. And this shows that it is the like unpredictability of sport that we love yeah nobody wants to watch a match knowing in advance what the result would be right and perhaps we will love the Aussies more now they have been beaten hmm though I think we in England will only truly love them when they have been beaten by us.

The Nicest Smile in Cricket

2008-01-20T23:45:00.000Z

This is Corey Collymore of the West Indies and I bet Mrs Collymore has to spend a hell of a lot on extra security to keep the girls away lol.

Corey is Captain of the Barbados team and a fast medium bowler who has suffered a lot of injury setbacks but has fought his way back to fitness each time. At 30 years old he is too old to be one of my Calendar Boys but with a smile like that he just has to be on the blog so we can look at him on rainy days:)

Some very beautiful things

2008-01-20T08:24:00.000Z

These are by Christian Louboutin. I couldn't wear them since I did my ankle in :( but I can look eh?

The Chanelleworld Calendar: January

2008-01-04T21:40:00.000Z

Every month yeah I'm going to put a photo of a cricketer, they will all be hot and under 25 dream dream...

JANUARY: ALASTAIR COOK

It's quite hard to find a good pic of the lovely Ali like sometimes he stares at the camera as if it was a cobra poised to strike lol this may be connected with the fact that he's becoming a bit of a pin-up for gay guys too so I am told :) No worries Al :))

Alastair's birthday is on Christmas Day bless which makes him an Aquarius and he is just 23 now and he is from Essex like me!!! though his Mum is Welsh but nobody's perfect and that is probably where he gets his yummy dark eyes from.

He will be a great opening bat for England for a long time yeah but he needs the right person to form an opening partnership with as his strength is to be cool calm and collected and we need someone to throw a few fireworks at the other end.

What I didn't get for Christmas

2008-01-04T21:00:00.000Z

It's a Ferrari. Looks like a dodgem car to me though:)

This one's more like it:

Maybe next year eh?

Girls from Essex and Essex Girls

2007-12-21T18:38:00.000Z

So well hello visitors to my blog yeah not sure how long I'm going to keep it up tbh it was just a thought about putting all my stuff from the wonderful Pseudscorner in the same place right and some shoes and non-cricket thoughts from time to time.

Some of the people on Pseudscorner are quite old like 40 and even more but they are a laugh and can argue about sport till the world comes to an end lol and the link is at the top of the page.

Blogs are good yeah they make you feel you've like achieved even when all you've done is spend the whole day wandering around Google Images when you should have been working :)) Some blogs are like diaries yeah but I've always thought diaries are a bit sad yeah unless you know you're going to be famous and change the world so everyone will want to read them when you're like 85. So don't expect daily updates and stuff right cos like I have a life. Only I don't feel like compelled to put it all online lol.

To get one thing clear though yeah me and Alisha are not Essex Girls. For any foreign people reading this is not important but for British people it matters because we are like Karl's dad says a class-ridden society. So Essex Girls are chavs right and boys make dirty jokes about them like 'what does an Essex Girl use for protection during sex? a bus shelter' and they get totally hammered every weekend and are found by the police with their knickers showing. Or missing altogether lol.

So yes, me and Alisha are from Essex yeah though in fact Alisha is almost from Hertfordshire, but we have like a brain or two between us and though we like a drink from time to time and maybe a little something else we are cool about it yeah because nothing ruins your looks like booze and drugs and as Alisha says if you were tempted to get off your face right just think two words: Amy Winehouse. Like tragic tattoos and a really really bad husband choice and the tattoos will be sooo painful to remove.

Cricket Christmas Cards

2007-12-14T18:10:00.001Z

If you like this a lot which I do you can go to this site: http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/sitetools/postcards/chooseCard.aspx?coll=54 and send it to your friends as an e-card.

Or if perhaps you are Sri Lankan and very patriotic, you can go here: http://www.myasia.net/ecards/cards.asp?xg=562&xno=6 and send e-cards of Sri Lankan cricketers - like this one:

which is Lasith Malinga doing his aeroplane impression that he does when he takes a wicket (pretty often then).

The Importance of Spelling

2007-12-14T18:05:00.000Z

December 18th 2007 - start of the 3rd Test Match England v Sri Lanka

So names yeah. Me and Alisha have problems about names. Like she’s really called Alicia right but she always puts Alisha cos that’s how it’s spoken yeah, teachers and people always said Alissya which pisses her off. And I was Chantelle till there was this totally stupid girl on Big Brother yeah who was a celeb for five minutes called Chantelle, so I changed myself to Chanelle and then fuckin’ell there was another dumb girl on BB and she was Chanelle so I can’t decide now. Actually my real name isn’t either of those but I’m not telling you.

So I like sympathise with the amazing Sri Lankan bowler Muttiah Muralitharan yeah, when he says like the spelling of his name that we all use in English isn’t quite correct right but it’s a bit late now cos he’s like the world’s leading wicket-taking spin bowler yeah and he’s in all the record books with a th and now it seems he would have rather had a d.

So I looked up the spelling (what did you older people do before there was Wikipedia, just not know stuff?) and I found in Tamil they have this letter. It looks like this yeah and sounds like ‘either th or dh’:

த்

Pretty, isn’t it? Is it just me or does that look a bit like a cricket ball above part of the stumps yeah and a wiggly line showing the ball went all over the place and fooled everyone? Dead appropriate lol.

But also actually if you know Asian people yeah quite a lot of them say d’s and th’s in quite a same sort of way so it is obviously like an intercultural language type thing, and people sometimes put dh in English to spell that sound yeah.

So perhaps to be really really right he should be Muralidharan yeah but he’s probably doomed to have a th forever now. Don’t expect he minds too much though yeah, after all we’re just foreigners putting it in our own funny writing as far as he’s concerned lol. As long as he keeps taking the wickets of our batsmen yeah he’ll be happy which he does with like supreme ease :(

The Sri Lankans are sooo cool yeah, I kind of sort of love Lasith Malinga with his crazy hair and his great smile yeah but don’t tell Karl right, I had to stop talking about Thierry Henry cos he got like edgy. Kumar Sangakkara is playing just amazing stuff yeah like every schoolboy cricket fan dreams of playing right and Mahela Jayawardene is like the Cool Captain In Charge and both those two are pretty neat like hotness-wise.

In our team I am also of course always fond of Alistair Cook who is tall dark handsome and from Essex what could be better. But it is difficult to keep being fond of Alistair at the moment yeah because he is not playing at like his sparkling best and has been out for some not exactly star quality scores right. OK he did well last innings but like even nice brown eyes don’t make up for an average of 36.75.

As you can see I’ve come a long way with my cricket knowledge yeah me and www.cricinfo.com are old friends now and I still get emails sometimes from the cute Aussie boy I met in the W Indies and he always like tests me on my cricket cos Aussies like even compete with their email friends it’s in their blood lol. But I do like cricket now yeah even though Alisha thinks I have severe psychological problems and could use some immediate help.

Sadly the Sri Lankans are pretty much playing better than us all round right and they just got beaten by the Aussies before. So even though we are supposed to be second in the world blimey could have fooled me yeah that must make the Aussies top of the world (no change there yawn) and the Sri Lankans second and us well like yeah somewhere else.

It is one of those mysterious Brit sport things right. Cos hey, the idea of cricket is to make more runs than the other side yeah and our batsmen just don’t make a lot of runs so like someone is missing the point. As I said to Karl right when he was really upset about us going out of Euro 2008, I was like, well did nobody explain to them that the best way to do it was to like score more goals than the opposition? Duh.

As for poor Freddie Flintoff yeah even though when we met him in the W Indies back in the day right he was hammered and drivelling on about his kids all the time he was a nice bloke really yeah and I am so sorry about his ankle. I had a problem like that after I fell over in some stunning Manolo-type shoes right and my ankle went, I can’t wear any heels higher than three inches now yeah which is a total pain and totally cramps my style :(

So am I still with Karl you ask well yeah he ain’t Thierry lol but he is very sweet and like reliable. The other useful thing about Karl is he is the anorak of all time and loves to blog yeah, so if you want to have a serious conversation about topical matters of importance like the new Prada handbag right you can just tell him there’s a big row about the Premier League on a Guardian blog yeah and he’ll grab the Apple Powerbook and be quiet for hours :))

Sports blogs are a great service to the women of the world yeah, cos if men disappear off down the pub yeah they never come back till later and are well pissed and boring while if they’re sitting at the laptop they are still to hand and you can call them away from the screen any time if you shout loud enough lol.

Titi and the Hors-Jeu Rule

2007-12-14T18:01:00.000Z

June 24th 2007 - Arsenal announces its star player is going to Barcelona

OMG Thierry’s leaving, Alisha and I were like speechless. Well not for long lol. But it’s like end of a thing yeah, whatsit, era. I used to love him sooo much like I had pictures of him all over my room and even though I’m older now it’s like he belongs to us what is he doing going away??? Well of course making about four million squid a year and trying to win big shiny trophies is what he’s doing but all the same. You see this is why I used to say to Karl the football anorak, yeah, I was like don’t care so much about it Karl cos football will break your heart yeah and here is the proof.

Cos this is my theory right, that apart from having too much importance in the universe yeah, football is like it says in poetry a cruel mistress. All these blokes are so in love with their team yeah and they give it all this loyalty and stuff and does it care? And like mathematically yeah most football fans are guaranteed to be miserable most of the time right cos only a few teams win everything and everybody else like suffers. So they’re like pouring all this emotion down the drain really, but as Alisha says yeah if they didn’t have football men would never speak to each other at all right so I suppose then the world would like grind to a halt.

Anyway we were down the pub yeah with Alisha’s boyfriend Gavin and some French bloke he’s picked up with. Now you might remember Gavin is Mr Knows About Sport yeah, on account of that’s all they did at the Academy of Snot or whatever his posh school was called. And the frog guy seemed to be like pretty much the same. And they were arguing about some offside decision or other and like ignoring us.

Now there is a thing where Alisha and me disagree right, which is this. Alisha’s really smart yeah, all her family’s the same they can put two and two together make five and sell it back to you for seven if you know what I mean. But when there’s blokes about she just like puts her brain away in her bag for later yeah. And I don’t see the point of that right cos who wants to be around a bloke who thinks you’re stupid? Well, her obviously lol. So when I tried to join in the conversation she kicked me a bit yeah but I carried on and then the frog guy was like “Ah, so you understand ze offside rule Chanelle?” in a really patronising voice and I’m like “Yeah”. Cos what’s so difficult yeah, Karl explained it to me, if you’re like involved in any serious action you’ve got to have more than two of the other blokes between you and the goal so like is that like complex?

So I said what is the French for offside anyway and he said what sounded like Roger. So I thought typical frog yeah they can’t even think up their own words for stuff but as Alisha said later yeah cos she likes the French cos they had a house there she said yeah but we use their words like boutique and crème caramel so I had to admit she was right cos a world without boutiques would be a sad place lol.

When we got back from the pub I was well pissed off with Gav and Froggo treating me like a moron yeah so I called Karl the football anorak and said like “Karl I’m soooo depressed about TH14 leaving yeah can we talk about it?” And he ran round to my place quicker than old Thierry himself so we are again an item and all’s well that, you know, whatever.

Football

2007-12-14T17:58:00.000Z

April 6th 2007

I first got to be friends with Alisha cos of Arsene Wenger. We were at school right and we had this teacher Mr Fielding and he was talking about football yeah and he said Arsene Wenger believes in training and discipline because he’s an alsatian. So next time old Arsene was on TV I had a look and the day after yeah I said to Mr Fielding I thought alsatian was wrong he looks more like a collie to me. And Mr Fielding did his like I-went-to-university laugh and said oh no, Chanelle, I meant he comes from the Alsace region of France.

I was like omigod and I went really red yeah but then Alisha right they used to have a house in France so she knows stuff, she said no wonder Chanelle misunderstood you Mister Fielding isn’t it supposed to be pronounced alsassyann? And old Fielding took his like I’m-popular-with-the-kids smile off his face and snapped into default teacher grumpy mode and said he was using the Anglican version thank you very much Alisha and stomped off.

So that’s why I’m friends with her because that’s what you want right, a friend who sticks up for you when you’ve embarrassed yourself instead of taking photos of you on their phone and showing them around. Well I know that’s what we did to the England cricket boys but they got arsey with us so that’s different.

If I know anything about any football team right which isn’t much yeah it would be Arsenal because when I was about fifteen I was like so so so in love with Thierry Henry I was like, Thierry will never be mine so book me that cell in the convent now. I still think he’s pretty cute to be honest but I try not to have crushes on footballers these days cos I’m supposed to be growing up and stuff right, I mean I can say I wouldn’t kick Owen Hargreaves out of bed but I’m not like pining cos there’s no future in it.

I don’t mind football but sometimes I wish it wasn’t like totally the most important thing on the planet yeah, I mean if you see a bunch of blokes shouting at each other it’s either football or politics right and 99 time out of 100 it’s football, but that’s the way it is yeah so you have to like survive in a football-obsessed world. So you have to have a few remarks up your sleeve right like, Arsenal have never really replaced Patrick Vieira have they, and with any luck you can throw that one into the conversation yeah and then the blokes won’t stop talking for about a week and you can have another margarita and get on with your life.

I have a question about football right, which is this: when foreign players come over here right and they’re like, I ‘ad to get used to ze English game because eet ees verry fast and verry physical, yeah, do they really mean that they think all our footballers know how to do is run up and down the pitch a lot and kick the shit out of each other, but the money’s good so they’re staying?

I put this question to Karl who was this boy I used to go out with yeah he was sweet but he was like the football anorak of all anoraks it could get embarrassing. And Karl looked dead hurt and offended and said it’s a matter of style and ethos right and I said well either they kick the shit out of each other or they don’t and excuse me, I watch TV. So then he decided I didn’t like football yeah and it was like this major problem in our relationship so you see what I mean yeah football has too much influence in the universe.

Microcosm of Life

2007-12-14T17:55:00.000Z

This is the second one I wrote on March 31st 2007 and you'll see that my cricket education gets going here:)

We’re in Guyana now right and we have to go to the cricket because Gavin insists and he’s paying right and Alisha wants to keep him happy cos she wants them to get married which is sensible yeah cos her horse Darcy is very expensive to keep up.

It’s England v Ireland yeah though quite a lot of the Irish are Australians and one of our blokes is Irish and both sides have got a South African so like that’s cricket for you. Gavin tries explaining to us about the Super Eights right and after about ten minutes of two points from the first round and who’s seeded from what yeah I lose the will to live so I’m like, what you’re telling me is the ones that lose go out yeah and in the end somebody wins. Duh. So at first me and Alisha are talking about shoes yeah while Gavin’s making like expert comments on the game to this seriously wanky bloke he’s made friends with.

Our Irish one gets out straightaway so like he doesn’t have to battle his divided loyalties for long lol. Then our captain gets out too and Gavin looks for a moment like he’s going to cry right so Alisha and I keep quiet cos you have to respect people’s pain. And we start to think, suppose England lose this right what is going to happen to like national self-esteem yeah and will we still be able to tell Irish jokes?

So hopes are pinned on KP yeah who’s like our king of bling and does lots of adverts. Gavin’s wanky mate who is some kind of media person right with stupid glasses and a bit of a fondness for the old nose candy if you know what I mean is going on about establishing momentum right but it seems to me yeah, looks like it would help if our lot could just play cricket a bit better. Call me naïve lol.

After a bit it seems that English people are able to breathe again yeah but no, then KP is out and here comes Freddie right doing like, I’m big and tough and professional yeah, funny last time we saw him he was propping up the bar in Saint Lucia burbling on about how beautiful his kids are yawn yawn. He’s supposed to be off the sauce now right after being exposed in the papers by certain people so you could say Alisha and me have done a service to English cricket. He does OK yeah but now the whole thing gets to be quite frankly pretty boring right but I’m sort of beginning to see that it’s all about hanging in there yeah, and then Collingwood who is like a gritty northerner right plays very well in gritty northerner stylee and we end up not too bad.

So in the break I’m chatting to this quite cute Aussie guy from the row behind us yeah and his view is that cricket is like a microcosm of life right. So I’m like, you mean it goes on and on and on and then in the end you give up and die. And he says no it’s like a test of character so I’m like, what, to play or to watch? Lol. But he tells me about Shane Warne who makes strong batsmen cry yeah and then he says it’s all about courage in adversity and mental domination right and one false move and the tide of a match can turn and I can see that like Gavin’s keen on cricket but this guy is like religious.

So all through the second half right I stay there and watch the microcosm of life yeah while Alisha goes to sleep and Gavin and Media Prat have one of those endless bloke conversations which sound friendly but are all scoring points off each other yeah you know the kind. But mental domination right well I’d say hard to spot yeah all I can really see is like slow grinding kind of grind and we almost don’t win but in the end we do.

So it seems there’s like a mystery in cricket somewhere right which has a deep effect on people yeah but so far I haven’t like had this revealed to me by the England team. The cute Aussie guy says this is quite natural and I have to see Australia play yeah and then I’ll understand everything.

My First Cricketing Experience

2007-12-14T17:47:00.000Z

This was the first thing I wrote about sport yeah, on March 20th 2007 while we were at the Cricket World Cup in the West Indies. I come over as a bit of a chav in this one which is not what I'm like really but like the rum was flowing free lol.

So me and my friend Alisha right, we’re in Saint Lucia cos her boyfriend Gavin wanted to see the cricket and he’s got shedloads of money yeah, so he paid for us but it’s dead boring cos he’s off on all these other islands watching these cricket matches and they’re really long they go on for fifty thingies each side.

So me and Alisha right, we went to this club by ourselves and we had a few rum and cokes on Gavin’s platinum card lol. And then these blokes came in and Alisha said to me they’re England cricketers and I was like, they look like a bunch of wankers to me omigod look at that one’s hair. And then this tall one came in and even I knew it was Freddie Flintoff cos I saw him on TV on that bus when he was really pissed that time.

So they saw we didn’t have any blokes with us and they bought us lots of drinks and we all had a laugh yeah, and then we got photos of us with them on our phones to send home to say look we’re with these like famous sports blokes.

They were well hammered right, I said don’t you have like a game to play tomorrow or something but they were just like, bovvered, and Freddie said he could play cricket with a hangover like some Sober bloke, I said to Alisha I didn’t reckon he knew what sober was and she nearly wet herself. He said he could drink Shane Warne under the table and I thought Shane Warne was the one that won The X Factor but he got sort of pissed off with me about that.

So then they started asking us questions about cricket, like do we know what an over is, and we were like duh we just came here for the laugh and the beach action lol. Omigod they went all snotty like it was really really important. The Kevin one who was a coach started trying to teach us all this cricket stuff and Alisha said save your breath right Gavin’s tried for six months and it’s still a load of wank to me.

Well then they all walked off and Freddie went out on the beach and we were like, well fuck you then arseholes, no need to be so up yourselves, so we phoned the News of the World yeah and sent them the pictures and they promised to pay us fifty grand but Gavin was mad at us when he got back cos we didn’t sign a contract he said we’ll never see any money.

I think famous blokes are all the same, when they meet real ordinary girls like us they can’t hack it, we’re too like genuine for them.

Now our pictures are all over the News of the World and all our friends are texting us we’re famous too. Only Gav was right cos they haven’t paid us. And they’re all writing stuff about Freddie’s in trouble for being legless like big surprise. Well, bovvered. I hate cricket.